watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
