i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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