do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't notice because vodka
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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