well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
the day after is always just damage control
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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