You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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