Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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