There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Naked. naked and bneed help.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
