I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
