I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
