i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
