Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
someone owes me an orgasm
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
