Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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