This is not my ceiling
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
