yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
