Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
