i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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