Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
