just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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