he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
