I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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