The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
