No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
