my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
