You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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