gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
