Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
being pregnant is like rehab
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
