I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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