That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
