The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
