you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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