I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
