my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
