My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
