dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
