glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
