WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
