omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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