woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
