Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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