my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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