exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
