Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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