I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
