Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.