Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
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the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.