fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I fill condoms, not promises.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.