You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
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Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...