Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.