This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.