Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
