Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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