wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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