it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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