I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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