Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You're earring is so big in my mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
