you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
