Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
