I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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