Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
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By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
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I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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