just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Two words: nipple clamps
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