That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
