We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
