I CAN MOONWALK!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
