Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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