just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
