You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
