census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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