I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
