mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
