A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
