I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
