my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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