i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
