He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
