The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
