My liver just broke up with me...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
