I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
