I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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