We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
