My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
