Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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