1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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