Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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