I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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